Writing with Concision

Living in Hawaii, you are probably familiar with the protests against the Thirty Meter Telescope (TMT) being built on top of Mauna Kea. 

Imagine: Your friend is visiting you in Oahu from the mainland.  After picking your friend up from the airport, you decide to take her sightseeing on the North Shore.  As you drive down Kamehameha Highway towards Matsumoto Shave Ice, you pass several vehicles sporting an upside down Hawaiian flag.  “What does that mean?”  Your friend curiously asks and you are left with the task of  briefing her on the conflict that has ensued ever since Mauna Kea, Hawaii was selected and approved as a site for the construction of the Thirty Meter Telescope.  Your objective is to provide background surrounding the TMT protests in order to adequately inform your friend about what’s happening on the island of Hawaii.  You want to be sure to paint a complete and non-biased picture of the situation without taking up your friend’s entire day with a history lesson.  She’s here primarily to enjoy Kahuku shrimp and the beach after all!

Task:
1. Find two credible articles to develop the content of your two stories. (CNN or Hawaii News Now are two excellent sources to start with) Please include a works cited page for the sources you used to help you construct your two stories. (Refer to Unit 8.2 for formatting guidelines)

2. Compose a 500 word story that adequately covers the TMT situation. (Use the Hong Kong Protest 100 and 500 word stories from Unit 5.1 as your model).

3. Compose a 100 word story that adequately covers the TMT situation.  (Simply condense your 500 word story to hone in one the most essential details).

When composing your two stories, do not include direct quotes from the articles you are referencing; but rather, paraphrase the information using your own words and organize the information to create your own unique narrative of events surrounding the TMT controversy.

MODEL EXAMPLE

The Story in 100 Words

Hong Kong’s protests started in June against plans to allow extradition to mainland China.

Critics feared this could undermine judicial independence and endanger dissidents.

Until 1997, Hong Kong was ruled by Britain as a colony but then returned to China. Under the “one country, two systems” arrangement, it has some autonomy, and its people more rights.

The bill was withdrawn in September 2019, but demonstrations continue and now demand full democracy and an inquiry into police actions.

Clashes between police and activists have become increasingly violent, with police firing live bullets and protesters attacking officers and throwing petrol bombs.

The Story in 500 Words

Hong Kong is a former British colony handed back to China in 1997.

It has its own judiciary and a separate legal system from mainland China. Those rights include freedom of assembly and freedom of speech.

But those freedoms – the Basic Law – expire in 2047 and it is not clear what Hong Kong’s status will then be.

The extradition bill which triggered the first protest was introduced in April 2019. It would have allowed for criminal suspects to be extradited to mainland China under certain circumstances.

Opponents said this risked exposing Hongkongers to unfair trials and violent treatment. They also argued the bill would give China greater influence over Hong Kong and could be used to target activists and journalists.

Hundreds of thousands of people took to the streets. After weeks of protests, leader Carrie Lam eventually said the bill would be suspended indefinitely.
The protests escalated when protesters feared the bill could be revived, so demonstrations continued, calling for it to be withdrawn completely. By then clashes between police and protesters had become more frequent and violent. In September, the bill was finally withdrawn, but protesters said this was “too little, too late. On 1 October, while China was celebrating 70 years of Communist Party rule, Hong Kong experienced one of its most “violent and chaotic days. An 18-year-old was shot in the chest with a live bullet as protesters fought officers with poles, petrol bombs and other projectiles. The government then banned protester wearing face masks, and in early November a pro-Beijing lawmaker was stabbed in the street by a man pretending to be a supporter. One week later, a policeman shot one protester at close range when activists were trying to set up a road block. Later that day another man was set on fire by anti-government protesters. In November, a standoff between police and students barricaded on the campus of Hong Kong’s Polytechnic University became another defining moment.  Later that month, the territory held local council elections that were seen as a barometer of public opinion.

The vote saw a landslide victory for the pro-democracy movement, with 17 of the 18 councils now controlled by pro-democracy councilors.
What do the protesters want?  Some protesters have adopted the motto: “Five demands, not one less!” These are: For the protests not to be characterized as a riot; amnesty for arrested protesters; an independent inquiry into alleged police brutality; implementation of complete universal suffrage; the withdrawal of the bill, (which has already been met).

Protests supporting the Hong Kong movement have spread across the globe, with rallies taking place in the UK, France, US, Canada and Australia.

In many cases, people supporting the demonstrators were confronted by pro-Beijing rallies.

Chinese president Xi Jinping has warned against separatism, saying any attempt to divide China would end in “bodies smashed and bones ground to powder.